Better to be the giver?

Boy, am I not sure I'm getting the right gifts for people this year.

I've had such success in past years, giving people things that I've gleaned they would like.  But this year, I'm giving things that I want to give them; not even things I want them to have; things I want to give them; things I want to be giving them.

She wants to act; I want to be giving her books of monologues; I know she can do something with them; even if they're silly, she can mine them for whatever depths they have, give them depths they don't.

I want her to be artistic; I want to be giving her something inspirational, to encourage her. I want to have enough energy (before the deadline for mailing the gift) to create a little piece of art to go with the book, to start a conversation. I want us to have a conversation over the years.

Do I imagine them looking back, years in the future, to the christmas they got that book, remembering their auntie who saw the artist in them?

Yup.

Do I know that indulging in that kind of thinking is an excellent way to disappoint myself, and put undo pressure on the gifts?

Yeah, I really do.

I'm so on the fence.

I want to be true to myself, though, and I'm the one who wants to give these gifts.  And really, from the recipient's perspective, isn't the worst thing that could happen is that they don't really like the gift?  And, who cares, it's not like it's a sweater I'm expecting them to wear. They're just books. They can be set aside; and I will still have fulfilled my own desire to have given them.

And the one to whom I want to give the "get to know yourself better" how-to-journal book....isn't she so un-knowing of herself that she is highly unlikely to be offended by being given such a book? She'd have to really take the book's exercises to heart, and learn from them, in order to get to a perspective from which she could perceive that I was telling her to Grow Up by giving her the book....by which point, she'll have grown up a little, and possibly even agree with me.

Am I trying to be a hero?

I know I'm trying to reach backwards in time to deeply remembered iterations of myself, who wanted someone to see the depths in me; that's why I want to give these gifts, because I do see those depths in them. I do want to encourage them to look deeper within themselves. (Because I'm the kind of person who's never been able to stop falling into myself, and I want more people to talk to.)

And I want to be the kind of person who is known for seeing the depths in other people.  I do want them to remember me that way. I am trying to build my own legacy of memory in other people's minds. I am trying to be heroic. The heroic artist auntie, who gave amazing books at christmas, even if it took you a while to figure out what on earth she'd given you.

and why.

Political Parties Are Like Sports Franchises

For your consideration: there is a level on which people relate to political parties like sports fans -- you're very loyal to your favorite team; you make excuses for their quarterback; you point to bogus calls by the refs; you despise all fans of your team's big rival Instantly and with Excessive Derision -- only assholes are X fans; X fans are all idiots, just like their team.

And, undecided voters? They are...non sports fans, pressured by their friends to Common You Gotta Pick a Team; the fair weather fans, only interested in the competition when it gets to the playoffs; the latecomers whose only goal is to have the right flag on their car when that team wins.

Framing it this way explains why, although political justifications are presented in the Form of a Rational Argument, they are obviously -- to someone who disagrees -- insanely biased, non-rational arguments!

Afterall, we aren't surprised, are we, when a known Huge Fan makes ridiculous arguments on behalf of his team: I mean, the guy is a Fan, what's he supposed to do? He's supposed to defend his team against all enemies, even when they So Obviously Suck. He's just unlucky enough to be a fan of a shitty team; over here, we're fans of an Excellent Team who just happens to be going through some reorganization and growth this year...

We may *act* as if policy discussions are taking place on the Rational Plain, and sometimes they are. 

But the foundation of political opinions isn't built from some kind of menu -- pick from this list of policy positions, and determine your political team; statistically nobody actually becomes a partisan that way, just like nobody picks a sports team based solely on stats.  Party affiliation is much more like supporting a team because you grew up with them, or you never had a team so you adopt the team of your friends.

When we argue about policies, too often we are *really* arguing simply Against your team or For my team, and coming up with rationalizations as needed to support the position our team has already taken -- if my team insists on running zone coverage, I'm going to defend their use of zone coverage to my dying day.

We only confuse ourselves when we think we're arguing on a rational level, when we're really arguing on a Tailgating level.

(Massive indebtedness to Jonathan Haidt for his book "The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion" for the underlying concepts absorbed and regurgitated in this post.)